What’s the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? Freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out

I like my coffee like I like my women… Ground fine and stored in the freezer to maximize the freshness. Oh man this is awful. Don’t kill me.

Programmers talking… – So I heard you’ve got a new girlfriend? – Yeah, she’s amazing, 35-24-35! – Deep purple?

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend? Cause Sheeran.

I gave a lawyer some Viagra. All it did was make him taller for a little while.

what’s another word for “religion”? insurance scam

How do normal people vs feminists laugh? Normal People: HeHeHe… Feminist: SheSheShe..

Don’t think we didn’t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar!