The nun got pregnant at the Church’s Halloween party. I told her not to dress up as an altar boy…

A recent study has found that 90% of dead people don’t breathe. The other 10% didn’t respond to the survey.

When the side effect of a quit smoking aid is suicide, they really mean their guarantee that you’ll stop smoking.

Someone just named a commercial service “KGB”? I would’ve gone with “Abu Ghraib”.

If I was a DJ… I’d wanna be called JD Dyslexic.

I made my wife dinner tonight She was great with BBQ sauce

How many philosophers does it take to… …change a light bulb? Define “light bulb”.

I’m going to beat you up with my penis. …. It won’t even be hard.

Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because D shells are too big and B shells are too small.

Knock Knock. whos there? a beautiful girl a beautiful girl who? that was already the joke.. no beautiful girl will ever knock your door loser… edit: looser = loser