(Age 22) *chugs bottle of water* Let’s shoot some more hoops! (Age 42) *chugs bottle of water* I gotta pee.

TIFU by locking up an underage girl in my sex dungeon Whoops, wrong sub

What’s yellow and smells like a zebra? Lion vomit.

Being a chemist, I feel pleasure to announce that I’ve just Synthesised CPH4(lucy drug). I wish I could post it in r/worldnews.

Why are black people tall? Because they knee grows..

Why do happy Asians always have dirty hands? “If you’re happy and you know it, crap your hands.”

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re more brave than I am.

“I think you’ll like her. She’s smart, funny, and a libra” I’ve never met a libra *is super disappointed when date isn’t a lion zebra mix*

What’s the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.

Back in my day… They called selfie sticks dildos.