Why do men float? ‘Cause they’re all scum.

What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

Apple was going to make a smaller version of the ipod touch for kids, until they realized the name iTouch Kids wasnt an acceptable name.

What happened after Hitler dyed his hair blonde? He became a Super Aryian.

What did the Illuminati say when they tried to read someone’s mind, but failed to do so? “Curses, foiled again!”

Welcome to the jungle. My name is Axl Rose. I think you’ll find we run a pretty good jungle here. There’s the toilet *points everywhere*

Patient: Doctor what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell!

I would like to think money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.

Guys, if you are ever watching Indecent Proposal’ and your wife or girlfriend asks: “Would you let someone sleep with me for $1,000,000?” Just lie!!

Why’d the seaman cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock that day.