If Miley Cyrus really wanted to shock us at the VMAs, she’d show up in a burka covered in a snowsuit and slowly add more clothing each hour.

Do regular squirrels think flying squirrels are super heroes??!

What happens when a guy addicted to banging fat chicks doesn’t get laid. Width-drawals.

What’s the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant? They were both caused by a message from god.

How do I stay humble? Well, it’s not easy, but I start by being generally bad at almost all things.

Baby, if you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple.

Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed? because Santa came early! I’ll let myself out.

*sees people doing the mannequin challenge, brings back ice bucket challenge and dumps it on mannequin people*

The International Weavers Union has released a report that membership is at an all-time low. A union spokesperson called the situation a looming crisis.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow with two legs? Yo momma