A 1911 and a Glock walk into a bar.. The 1911 says to the Glock: “Hey, ugly foreigner, want to do a drinking contest?” The Glock says “You old idiot, you can only last 8 rounds!”

Boss: Why do you have rashes every time you get your salary? Employee: I am allergic to peanuts.

Why is Toblerone shaped like a triangle? To fit in the box.

A girl picking up the phone in the middle of sex is a free pass to get weird.

Did you hear about the blind circumsiser? He got the sack.

If I had a dollar every time someone called me sexist… I’d have enough money to sponsor the repealing of the 19th Amendment.

I just found out that they offer college courses on how to be a janitor… Apparently it’s some pretty tough shit.

What do you call a pony that sleeps around A whorse

If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be $6.50 a minute.

Need to build an ark? I Noah guy.