Current adult status: Just got into a heated debate about whether or not Merida from Brave is a Disney princess. I won. She is not.

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food… Neither have they.

I’m going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson. I’m not sure which race yet.

What do you call someone who serves smelly drinks? a Fartender

I bought some shoes of a drug dealer today I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day!

My wife says I don’t listen to her. I think that’s what she said, anyhow.

Mitt Romney is walking through heaven when he runs into Barrack Obama

So I said ‘I love you’ but he didn’t say it back. We haven’t spoken since. Maybe he just needs space. Vet: Your cat’s fine. You can go now.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.

What does an Indian boy say to his mum when he goes out? Mumbai