What do you call a tin boat? A hydrofoil.

What is the most environmentally friendly game company? The three that make Call of Duty; They’ve recycled their ONLY GAME, every year for the past 7 years.

Why is cowgirl my girlfriend’s favorite position? Because she says I’m only good at fucking up.

What does God do whenever he gets frustrated with Jesus? He gets out the Bible Belt!

Charlie couldn’t believe he was being allowed into the Chocolate Factory… …his girlfriend had been dead against it for years!

Why do jews have such big noses. Because air is free.

Two flies are on a piece of shit… One fly rips a fart & the other says “HEY… I’M EATING HERE”

Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: They’ve been having turkey for years.

What’s the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Phelps can actually finish a race.

Arrested for not picking up after his seeing eye dog, the blind man pleaded, “I didn’t see shit!”