Old people poke me at weddings and tell me “your next” So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

What did the poor composer say to his friend? I am baroque, can you lend me some money?

Donald Trump is the only person in the world who achieved this and made a history. He won an argument against a woman

1st day of middle school & my son REALLY didn’t want to get picked on but he’s dressed like a dorkwad & I couldn’t help myself.

If Trump wins the election and replaces President Obama… …orange will be the new black.

What does Zeus wear under his tunic? Thunderwear!

What’s a nickname for a procrastinator? Come on, this is reddit. What’s your nickname?

61% of internet traffic is from bots… …the other 39% is Reddit users manically hitting refresh to check their upvotes on new posts

There was a really horrible sound coming from my car, so I asked Siri to identify it. Skrillex.

Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.