What do you call a smart blonde? A Labrador retriever

Why was the horse always mad at the mule? It kept half-assing everything.

Our wedding pic looks like my wife’s selfie photo bombed by me.

I lost 189 lbs in one week. By getting a divorce.

Bath time Wanna hear a clean joke? Billy took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a clown…

As a form of protest against non-moving escalators, I get on and just stand there. Hours sometimes. It’s not like I have anywhere to get to.

As a form of protest against non-moving escalators, I get on and just stand there. Hours sometimes. It’s not like I have anywhere to get to.

I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode

Two Borg walk into a holodeck. .. They wanted a simulation of all mankind.

Why cant clinton stand straight? Because she is Crooked.