When I went to bed last night I had 47,000 followers. Now I have 700. Did I spell something wrong?

What’s the award for being the world’s best dentist? A little plaque.

Canada is 50% “a”

I just spent my entire tax return on guacamole.

How do you milk a sheep and make a profit? Remove the audio jack

You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve just been going through a weird time since birth.

Chinese girl I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

What do you call masturbating on a plane Hi-jacking Never forget

What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos? A messycan

Toys to Africa Stop sending toys to children in Africa. It’s gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.