Dryer settings: – not the least bit dry – shrunk to barely fit 12 yr old you

Why should white blood cells never discuss God? Because they would be using the lord’s name in vein

It’s no wonder we’ve never met an alien, i’d have a hard time developing a space program if no one believed in me, too.

Want to here a word I just made up? Plagiarism.

My therapist says I need to overcome “shame-based” thinking but if it wasn’t for shame I don’t think I’d get a damn thing done around here.

Crazy ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolates They’ll kill your dog

You can say what you like about pedophiles at least they drive slowly past schools and playgrounds

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art.

Can’t wait to start my New Years resolution in 2018!

Hate when I lay out too close to the shoreline and the other beach goers team up to try to push me back in the water.