Where did the drug addict keep his food and dishes? The potry

Olive Garden waitress begins to freshly grate cheese onto my salad. I never say when. Room fills with parmesan. No one survives.

Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It’s basically everywhere now.

I had a piece of Carefree sugarless gum ..and I was still worried! It never kicked in!

We’re expecting 12 inches tomorrow night. Well played, Black History Month. Well played.

How is it that magic carpets are able to fly? They are powered by turban engines.

The Rocky Mountains Ever since Colorado passed amendment 64, legalizing marijuana, there have been talks of renaming the Rocky Mountains to the Stoney Mountains.

In the new version of Star Wars, Harrison Ford slowly flies the Millenium Falcon in the left lane with the turn signal on

What do you call alcohol in a birdbath? Tequila Mockingbird!

The phrase ‘balls to the wall’ was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.