Did you hear about the witch who couldn’t have children? her husband had a Holloweenie.

I can throw rocks further than catapults. I mean, have you ever *tried* throwing a catapult?

Someday, I wish Twitter will come up with a new & useful feature for once, like a sarcasm indicator for the ones who never get it.

My grandma started walking 5 miles a day when she turned 60 Now she’s 97 and no one has any idea where the hell she is

I was screwing my secretary… …up the arse when my wife walked in. She said, “You cannot do this to me. I said, “I know that’s why I’m doing it to her.”

I Saw a Jewish Ghost Last Night… I was so scared I started to shiva.

If the Native Americans that celebrated the first Thanksgiving were still alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age.

Partied so hard last night I spilled Kool-Aide on my cocaine Punchline

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common? Hogwarts!

A man walks up to god and asks him, “Are you a ladies man?” God replies: “I’m a soul man.”