An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor… An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor with a torn chiton, asks the tailor, “Eumenides?” The tailor responds, “Euripedes?”

Been watching television without eating. I feel like I’m working.

My father reminds me of Jesus Christ. Not that he resembles him or anything. Its just that he left, said he was gonna come back, and never did.

Does anyone know the difference between an elk and a deer?nnCos I think I just ran over a cyclist.

I just had Ebola cereal.

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a hobo on a bicycle? Attire.

Why did the guy from Brooklyn cross the road? None of your f**king business.

My girlfriend just text me, ‘thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative’ Anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?

What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat? I don’t know, let me go check my Facebook feed.

The Aluminati’s plan… was foiled once again.