I used to be into BDSM, beastiality, and necrophilia… But I realized I was just beating a dead horse. EDIT: poster does not condone the beating of any horse; living, dead, undead, or imaginary.

So frustrating when you have to text but you’re home so you have to go get in the car and drive all the way to the left lane of the freeway.

Almost arrived at work when my kid asked “Where’re we going?” Who the hell did I just drop off at school?!

Did you hear about the blind man who took a hammer and saw?

Why did the chicken cross the road? [NSFW?] To get to the little bitch’s house. *knock, knock* The chicken.

What is the first symptom of AIDS? A consistent pounding sensation in your ass.

What would be a good title for an Indian porno? Thank You, Cum Again

Where do pots go on vacation? JaPAN! From my 9 year old.

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

what is a gays least favorite fruit? cantaloupe