George Washington wasn’t arrogant, but he did predict the $1 bill would contain his likeness. In that regard, he was on the money.

what did coke call his daddy ? pop

Selling racist jokes at $1 per person… … or 60 cents for black people.

[dating game] GIRL: contestant #1 tell me how u would woo me ME: woo like in duck tales woo woo or a different type of woo? G: contestant #2

I almost got hit by a car this morning and the scariest part was that my last words would have been “whoa there chap”

what’s a cheap, tasteless way to kill a werewolf? Coors Lite, the silver bullet

Teacher to russian student: Boris, beware, I have eyes in my back! russian student: What Are you braging about? I came from Chernobyl, I had a tail!

Did you hear about the guy who watched that new Bruce Willis film five times in a row? He was a Die Hard fan.

Seems like everybody is wishing to find that special someone in their life, and I’m just over here wishing I could eat without getting fat

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But it takes about 8-10 visits.