What do piggys take when they are sick? Pigicillin!

Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says “BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH” The other whale turns to him and says “Dude you are so drunk.”

Copper wire was invented by two Jews fighting over a penny.

Why do hunters close one eye when they aim? Because they can’t see if they close both.

If 2 wrongs don’t make a right, what do 2 rights make? An airplane.

Wife: “Would you like to help me….?” Translation: “Do it or die.”

What was the last thing that went through JFK’s head? A bullet.

we regret to inform you that you’ve hit rock bottom

A man is throwing out a vacuum cleaner… Another man, walking by, asks, “Is that thing no good?” “Well,” says the first man, “it doesn’t suck.”

I like my women like I like my chocolate with nuts