What do they call a meeting among the most brilliant people in Burger Land? A MEATing of the minds!

Infidel. It’s where I want to be, thanks to my fetish for Cuban politicians.

*Runs fingers over Braille calendar* Is this a date? It feels like a date.

A man shot himself in the head at an NRA sponsored NASCAR event… while the GOP shot themselves in the foot on the NRA sponsored gun bill. (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)

Something you may have in your house right now could be killing your children. We’ll tell you about it in 2 days. – Local News

What is the origin of black jewish people? The oven.

Shopping with girlfriend, she says, “let’s go down this aisle.” Me – K. Why? Her – It’s a surprise. Me – K. Why? Her – Just grab that. *points* Me – K. Why? Her – KY. Me – K… Her – Y.

If Trump Becomes President the rates of people getting fired per day will increase exponentially.

Do you hear about the 2 Irish gays? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael.

Why do indegionous people dislike snow? Because it’s white and settles on their land.