What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? “Beat it – we’re closed.”

What is red and dangerous ? Strawberry and tarantula jelly !

The fourth Harry Potter book marked a huge tone shift for the rest of the series. I mean, the fifth book was dead serious.

I’m at the ear clinic. My name might’ve been called out. I have no idea. PSA: The joke is originally in Swedish, tried my best translating it.

I’m not homeless, but a lot of homeless things happen to me.

Notice: Due to overwhelming political pressure, Cracker Barrel will now be known as Caucasian Barrel.

Ripped a plug out of the wall by the cord. YOLO

American government is of the people, by the people and for the people. Which begs the question: what is wrong with you people?

Why did the guitarist go to prison? Because he fingered A Minor.

I am quitting alcohol for a month. Sorry, that came out wrong I am quitting. Alcohol for a month.