hey girls if you sleep with a guy then tell them you’re pregnant they’ll give you a bunch of money for an abortion I have like 50 cars

On the internet you can be whoever you want. Its odd that so many choose to be stupid.

Press Conference: How do you respond to accusations that you over sexualize everything? Me: *slowly takes entire microphone into mouth*

how do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

What’s the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver? The golfer goes “*Whack* Damn!” The skydiver goes “Damn! *Whack*”

Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common… I don’t understand what either one is saying, but I know I’ll end up seeing stars.

Why do women find the guy in 50 Shades of Grey sexy? beats me

What is the best Vitamin for friendship? B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

why do people romanticize the 1950s? like calm down, we still have milkshakes and racism

Local news station is airing a segment on free rent in exchange for sex. Look, you don’t have to tell me how a marriage works.