What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “What is this, a joke?”

What do you call Nicki Minaj’s buttcrack? Silicone Valley

If a giant capture you and me and made a smoothie out of us, what would it taste like? It would taste like “just us”.

HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times. -I say as I climb through your window

Finding other gay guys is a lot like trying to find a job Your only option is looking online and it’s almost impossible to get anything good.

In space, nobody can hear you scream for ice cream. So remember, before trips to colonize the galaxy bring your Ben & Jerrys.

I swear I only have sex standing up.. I’m not fucking laying!

“Our relationship is nice because we can sit silently and still have fun.” – cool thing to say to the person in bathroom stall next to you.

Mariah Carey seems like the type to sing all she wants for Christmas is you, but when you don’t get her anything she throws a huge hissy fit