What is ET short for? He’s only got those little legs.

Atoms are the biggest liars in the universe… They make up everything.

Strange how FB doesn’t automatically add the enemies of your enemies as your friends,

Damn girl, did it hurt? “What, when I fell from Heaven?” “Yeah, cause your face is really fucked up.”

An Indian tracker puts his ear to the ground And says “buffalo come.” Amazed, his clients ask how he knows. He rubs his ear and says “hmm sticky.”

What’s George Washington’s least favorite flower? Li[e]-lacs!

kids grow up so fast now a days like just the other day my daughter was asking me awkward sexual questions like “Is that the best you can do?”

Guns don’t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.

what do you call a dinosaur with a big mouth, big ass and tiny hands? T-Rump

What did the Reddit using CVS cashier say about the man buying condoms after he left… …this guy fucks.