What gets bigger each time I watch a stripper? My debt.

Smartphones are pacifiers for adults.

My 5 year old hasn’t said a word in the car after I convinced him that the volume control on our stereo ejects his car seat.

How do you get a nun pregnant? by having sex with her

Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated? His family advertised it as a barbecue.

Who are the worlds fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds

Do you know that condoms have serial numbers on them? No? I guess you haven’t rolled them down all the way.

If he’s a nice guy and treats you well, does it really matter what colour his Maserati is?

Now I’m not saying I plan to be a school shooter… but if I was Dylan..

According to the bloodwork I had done at my doctor’s office, I’m 12 percent cake.