Why are camels called “The Ships of the Desert?” Because they’re full of Arab semen.

What did the autobots call Optimus Prime after he died? Posthumous Prime

Milk is probably my favorite titty by-product.

“This sausage is the best!” She said “No,” replied the German, “it is the wurst!”

What’s the only thing that grows in Oakland? A: The Crime Rate!

Minnie asked Mickey Are you F*****g Crazy Mickey Replies ‘No I’m F*****g Daisy

“Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here’s the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands.”

Hostess:There’s a 45 min wait Me:Do you know who I am? I have THOUSANDS of followers! H:Let me ask my manager *2 min later H:It’ll be 43 min

My dog and I have a system together. We both eat, then we walk… Then we both shit in my neighbors lawn.

How do 2 psychics greet each other? “Hello, how am I?” “You’re fine, how am I?”