With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us

Why would the jewish cannibal eat you? For-Skin

Girlfriend told me to f*ck her like a man So I put it in her ass and called her Jeff

What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.

What’s the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits till you’re 12 to come on your face.

*Takes kids for sushi before seeing “Finding Dory”*

Everybody has been telling me to stop singing wonderwall… I said maybe

Me: *lying nude on checkered blanket* Him: “Where’s the food and why are you naked?” Me: “Am I doing it wrong? This is my first picnic.”

REQUIRED : A content developer. Salary commensurate with contentment

Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!