What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Why do jewish women like circumcised penises? What jew doesn’t like 10% off?

Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder.

Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost? It had a nervous breakdown.

In dog beers I’ve only had 2.

What do you call a black person that can fly a plane? A pilot, you racist fucks. P.S Wasn’t that well received in anti-jokes, so I figured it might work better here.

What do you call mixing hard liquor into coffee? Getting ready for work

100 ways to reach me: 1.) Text Me. 2.) Call Me. 2.) E-Mail. 3.) FB …. 98.) Homing Pigeon. 99.) Signal Flares. 100.) Voice Mail

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker? He wrote “1 + 0 = 0” and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out…

Jesus loves you… …with his whole mouth.