Your Ex is like spilt milk. If you put newspaper over them its like the mistake never happened.

One day, I hope you choke on all the shit you talk.

You have to be careful when telling rape jokes… You never know who got buthurt

People that pronounce vase like “voz” make me want to punch them in the foz.

How do you feel about tapes and cds? Well you’re gonna love it when I tape my dick to your forehead so you can see dees nuts on your face.

Trump supporters are so uneducated! Now give us that sweet prosperous socialism! *walks onto the highway*

What’s the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani hospital? I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

Dad:why are your eyes so red? Son: i was smoking marijuana Dad: don’t lie to me, you were crying because you’re a faggot

What do you get when a cow jumps in cold water? Utter udder shudder.

Dear America: it’s called English for a reason. They invented it. It’s not “English” spelling. It’s correct spelling… This is a subtweet.