Welcome to Chili’s here’s your dirty fork, don’t forget to spit on our hostess on the way out.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh! Aaand I’m out

In my 20s, I was bullied by a crow the size of a chicken for several months.

What do pink flamingos have on their front lawns? Plastic Italians.

Why did the blind fly starve to death?? Because he couldn’t see shit

Before scientists discovered… Before scientists discovered that the “I before E except after C” rule wasn’t universal, they were called sceintists.

Can someone please explain this joke to me? How do you get the elephant out of the theatre? You can’t. It’s in his blood.

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your pecker.

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me…….. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

I just did an alignment on my car… But my car still pulls into crowds 🙁