Plan ahead – It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

What did the baseball manager do when he needed another man in the bullpen? He took a can of orange juice from the freezer and made a pitcher.

What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A slipped disk.

Knock knock Who’s there? I eat mop. I eat mop who?

Why wouldn’t Chad Kroeger (lead singer of Nickelback) have sex with Helen Keller? Because she’s a woman!

What does a guy think in the middle of a blowjob? Fuck i’m broke.

Just saw a bag of McDonalds in the street. Unsure how this will affect brand. Could be good (free advertising) or bad (no one was eating it)

What does my mom and a turkey have in common? They both died on Thanksgiving

Why is a good husband like bread dough? Because his wife needs him.

Whip cream bikinis are cool but please don’t wear chicken gravy again. That’s just wrong.