Why do Java programmers wear glasses? Because they can’t C#.

What do you call an anorexic lady with a yeast infection? A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

Frisbee. I went to the park with my son and he brought his frisbee. We started throwing it around and after a while I started to wonder why frisbees get bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me…

A lime and banana decided to become a stand-up comedy duo and called themselves … Key and Peele.

Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink.

What’s green and can eat 50 hot dogs in a minute? Kobayoshi.

What happens when you don’t pay your exorcist? You get repossessed.

The GPA is not my son… But I will raise it.

Just ran a .3K (Ice cream truck wouldn’t stop)

Perks of dating me: You will be the hot one