What do you get when you leave a dog inside a car when it’s 100 degrees outside? A hot dog.

I don’t understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.

may your fathers prosper. may your friends be uglier than you. may your exes get food poisoning

What is a Mexicans favorite sport? Cross-country

What do you call spaghetti that carries a fake ID? an impasta!

What’s the best thing from New York City? The train to Boston

BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E. NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth? BUZZ: Nope *5 minutes silence* BUZZ: OK, yep.

“Nice” – first kangaroo to realise it had a pocket

I don’t gossip because: 1. It’s not my business. 2. I’m no better than anyone else. 3. And no one tells me any good juicy stuff 🙁

“Four, five, six, one, two, three, seven, eight, nine, ten! Coming, ready or not!” George Lucas playing hide and seek