Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other

The emailer who threatened LA schools claims to be “a Muslim extremist.” That’s like a student signing his report card “Timmy’s Dad.”

I used to worry about offending people’s moms on facebook but now they all post memes like “I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children”

It’s not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head.

The most reliable bridge builders in all of Mexico. Spic and Span

Pretty similar… Tea is the only difference between meh and meth.

So I fucked this bitch last night, but she was really clingy. I asked a friend for his insight, he said “Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that sometimes.”

I HATE stereo-types.. Samsung, Sony, Toshiba, doesn’t matter. Can’t stand ’em.

A pirate with Alzheimer’s sold his parrot The next day he woke up and shouted “Where’s my ship!?”

You have the face of a saint. Which one? Saint Bernard.