Knock Knock Who’s there ! Brian ! Brian who ? Brian drain !

RUSSELL: I told you that cheese wasn’t for you ME: [bitterly, mousetraps on both hands] Nothing’s ever for me, is it Russell

House arrest? You mean permission to excuse myself from social interaction? Oh no, judge. Please don’t.

How do you drown a blonde? Stick a scratch and sniff to the bottom of a pool.

If you find a fry on the floor and you don’t share it with me, we can’t be friends. Don’t touch me. Monster.

What did Silver say to Gold? “Au!”

Its gone viral Bird flu – 45 million dead chickens and turkeys.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?? In case he got a hole in one

Why do black people hate country music? When they hear the word “hoedown” they think their sister got shot.

Taking my dog on road trips would be more fun if he didn’t always insist on driving.