What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals? A VeterinArian.

All pills are sleeping pills if you take enough of them.

*stands up in the middle of a quiet library* FAKE NOODLES ARE CALLED IM-PASTAS

My wife asked me to stop singing wonderwall. I said maybe.

My response when someone ask me how’s life with a penis. It’s hard.

Floaters What do you call that which barks during the day and floats during the night ? – Your grandma’s jaws

Airlines. Graciously giving you the choice to have feet, or a personal item, but not both.

I should have been a psychic I hear they make a fortune.

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? “I’m stuck on you!”

Whats worse than ants in your pants? Your uncle.