What does an impatient cow say? Mooove the fuck out my way

How to Feel Comfortable in Your Own Skin Step 1: Stop wearing other people’s skin

In a perfect world I’d own a fertilizer / external hard-drive distribution company called Shits N Gigs.

Joseph Smith sold so many copies of the Book of Mormon That they made him a prophet.

I hope this blue uniform and walkie talkie doesn’t make me look fat – Insecurity guard

What’s the best thing to put into a pizza? Your teeth.

Where do crabs take the train? King’s Cross Station 🙂

Today at a work a few customers told me they were in denial about the approaching snow storm… I told them to watch out for crocodiles.

A guy walks into a building with his boss. Ouch. You’d think that at least one of them should have seen it. EDIT: A twist on the classic “a guy walks into a bar” joke.

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?