I don’t understand why people always fight becoming a zombie or vampire. Both seem awesome because you don’t have to have a job.

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain 😀

What do you get a kid without arms for Christmas? Gloves, but he doesn’t know that yet.. since he can’t open it.

What does a tree do when it wants to go home? It leaves.

Have you ever heard of Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

Are news readers secretly insulting you? **Moron this story later.**

I forget… What’s that Mexican dish called with rice, chicken, beans, guacamole, cheese and salsa?

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a rock climber? Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scalar.

What did one termite say to another in a burning building? “Barbecue tonight!”

Oh, Fox News! LOL! You wacky, bigoted fucks!