Kid, “Mom, Dad, I’m in love with a gopher from a funny animal video.” Parent, “The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Allen! Allen! Allen! Steve!”

Why couldn’t the banana get a date? It didn’t have a peel.

The only time honesty isn’t the best policy is when speaking to an Apple employee at the Genius Bar.

Graham has withdrawn from the Republican nomination race. Some people worry that he’ll send his voters to Trump. All three of them.

I want to tell a Moses joke… but I haven’t chosen one.

How do you make a horse fast? You take away his food.

Some people may be brave enough to try to get into the milk business. Me? I wouldn’t dairy.

Breaking news: Cheese Factory Explosion De brie everywhere.

Signed up for Gmail and set my password as ‘Mypenis’ Google said it was too short. 🙁

Did you hear about the drug dealer with arthritis? He had bad joints.