If you love someone, let them sleep.

Itself. Itself. Itself. Itself. Itself. Itself. -History

WebMD has integrated Google’s Deepmind. On startup it performed a self diagnostic test. Turns out, it’s cancer.

Why is star wars the most disgusting movie? Because its the most grossing.

By the way it was me who set those sheep free to roam around the courtroom during your divorce hearing. In case ewe were wandering.

Do old people wear boxers or briefs? Depends

If I ever shot the sheriff, I’d probably go ahead and shoot the deputy too. Along with any other witnesses, because at that point why not.

If eating fish is so good for your brain, how come sharks always score so poorly on the SAT?

I had sex with a waitress and it was terrible. She just wanted the tip.

What’s the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Michael Phelps could finish a race