What’s a karate experts favourite beverage? kar-a-TEA HA

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes -WHAM!- “FUCK!” A bad skydiver goes “FUCK!” -WHAM!-

What do you call children born into a whorehouse? Your kids

Real person: Do you have Twitter? I’ll follow you! Me: Nope, sorry. Don’t have a phone or a computer. Or a microwave. Hard times and all..

What do French athletes wear? Jaques straps

I have that eating disorder where I threw up once cause I ate too much candy and now I nod knowingly when someone says they’re bulimic.

Deer Run Too Fast

No matter how hard you try to push that envelope It will still be stationery. ^edit: ^spelling…

I wish my car’s navigation could take human form so I can punch it in the face.

“Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?” “Haha you can’t fool me again, dad. A chair!” “Not this time. Our dog died.”