Why do new Irish mothers keep dying? Because they lack taters

What car does Hitler drive? [OC] A fuhrerri.

“I’ll sleep when I’m bread.” -Dough

Sex with me is a lot like gun control. Some of you want it, but we all know it’s not going to work down south.

Hi I’m Charlie Brown, the depressed 10-year-old who can’t kick a football. I’d like to talk to you for a second about insurance

Guy asks his girlfriend to tell him something that will make him happy and sad at the same time. She thinks for a few seconds and replies…. Your penis is bigger than your father’s.

What’s worse than a worm in your apple? The holocaust.

What are apricots? Where monkeys sleep.

Everytime I check my facebook I remember why i’m on Twitter.

Life is like toilet paper… You’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.