A pharmacy was broken into and the only thing stolen was a case of Viagra Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals

*slaps the shit out of a fish with a slightly larger, more confused fish*

What’s the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard? Bigfoot is occasionally sighted

Inspired by a recent ELI5: “Why is milk measured in gallons and soda in litres”, I present this oldie… Q: What comes in quarts? . . A: Elephants

A soft drink is just a drink that needs a minute. Just give it a minute, this has never happened to it before.

Stupid one liners everyone should know I’ll start: I recently sold my vaccum. It was just collecting dust.

What’s a mathematician’s favorite kind of music? Logarithms

A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies “Sorry. We don’t serve food”.

I am drinker. Hear me pour.

How do you get 1000 cows into a barn ?? – hold a bingo !!