*Friend is sinking in quicksand* Get help before I drown! *I start to run, stop, jog back to friend* Technically you’re not drow- NATE!

Why did the Mexican fail English 101? He wouldn’t turn in his essay

A boomerang walks into a bar. Gets thrown out but he came back in again.

Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.

What do you call a fat psychic? A large. (Because medium)

I read a story by a pregnant woman on reddit She was having trouble with her pregnancy, and she said she would post an update after it was over. OP delivered.

I Went To Purchase Some Camoflauge Clothes The Other Day But I just couldn’t see myself in them.

“You’re Fired!” Said President Trump to all of our nuclear rockets

Wife: “Oh my God! You really ONLY hear what you want!” Me: “Thanks! I’ve been working out!”

hey teens ! if you think you’re angry now, just wait until you have to spend your own money on toilet paper.