Every day can be Friday if you’re really irresponsible.

A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says, “Dad, can I have fifty dollars?” The father looks at him and says, “Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?”

Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks this morning *Edit: Not my joke but haven’t seen it here and thought it was funny :)*

Wipes away your tears using three precise karate chops.

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two children? Hose A and Hose B

What’s 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild? deez nuts

I bet you 5390.24$ you can’t guess how much money I owe my parents.

What do you call a Korean with a dog? …vegetarian. For the record, I’m Korean and have a dog haha.

Why shouldn’t you burn scented candles inside of a Buddhist shrine? Because doing so would be incense-itive!

Had scab soup today made it from scratch.