What do you call a group of goose haunting you? A poltergeest

My phone tried to auto-correct “f*cking” to “f*ck king,” and I was like hell yeah I am.

Yo mama so fat in order to meet new carbon emissions regulations, we had to cap her ass

Why did Brazil lose the World Cup? Weak back.

A post at night is like a land mine You have to happen upon it to blow on

I’m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage

Your ‘Chemistry’ with your girlfriend is great if you remember her ‘Periodic Table’.

Why are organ donations low ? Because most people have pianos

What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill.

What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch? Fowl ball.