*opens cartomn of eggs revealimg twelve rocks wher the eggs normaly go* guys shh ill get u past security this way, jus keep actimg like eggs

What do you call a Mexican who loss his car? Carlos

A young lady who had just been dumped by her boyfriend seemed unusuallycheerful. Someone asked her why, and she replied that, sooner or later,time wounds all heels.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in a microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

When watching Michael Jackson’s coffin being pushed away by the Jackson Brothers, was anybody else reminded of those two words… Cool Runnings.

Hi guys! Nick is very handsome and an amazing cook. Are there any nice girls interested inMOM GET OFF MY TWITTER YOU’RE RUINING EVERYTHING

Yesvember!

Oh, jokes from 7 year-olds are cool now? From my son last night: “Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?” Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bay gulls (“like bagels, get it Dad?”).

Why doesn’t Thor of the insect world use a hammer? He’s already got a Thor Axe.

Have you ever heard of the lady who was accused of being the infamous Quilted Killer? She’s innocent until proven quilty.