Did you hear Justin Timberlake is making a new song based on Oscar Pistorious? It’s called Cry Me A Reeva

I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line… Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck…

Decided to start ranking my favorite minority groups: so far Lithuanians have a lot of catching up to do.

I’ve been smuggling transvestites across the Mexican border. It’s not easy being a drag mule.

If Prince is dead then… Is his music now “royalty-free”?

[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how’s your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!

Want to hear a joke about Subway? Okay, but it’s not really kid friendly.

Did anyone else hear about the claustrophile? He just came out of the closet recently.

Why was the guy wearing the fedora upset? Because you didn’t ask him what band he’s in.

How do you break a Polacks finger? Punch him in the nose.