Two Fish There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, “You man the guns, I’ll drive.”

parent: why did you do this to my child willy wonka: well you see they tried to eat some chocolate on a tour of a chocolate factory they won

Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

What did the Red Queen say at the orgy? “Off with their heads!”

Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles “how to read a book”.

* thinks of a tweet before falling asleep * decided to remember a “key word* so I can remember it * wakes up * forgot key word

I think that an XBox is the closest thing to a “box” that most gamers have ever seen. Clever branding Microsoft.

My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.

My grandad gave me some sound advise on his deathbed. “It’s worth spending money on good speakers”, he told me.

What did the doctor give the Asari with an STD? Anti-biotics