BREAKING: Judge strikes down Kentucky ban on gay marriage, but ruling on hold while state appeals for right to keep treating gays like shit.

It’s OK if you don’t like my personality,,, I’ve got others.

What’s a vampire’s fetish? Neckrophilia

How do you cut off a redneck’s dick? Kick his sister in the jaw

I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I’ve been using them for all this time.

My head and I are not on speaking terms this morning. I suddenly know what it’s like to be a man.

My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment. I said, “no, just do the floor.”

What do you call an economist at an amusement park who is just sitting around? A lazy fair goer!

What paint is most popular in modern buildings? Microsoft Paint

Q: What do you get when you cross pasta with a snake? A: Spaghetti that winds itself around your fork.