SPOILER ALERT for “Finding Bigfoot” TV show – they don’t find him. Again.

What is someone doing when they are disposing of diseased radishes? Dropping some ill beets.

Local News Reports a Kidnapping at a School It’s okay though, she woke up.

How do you kill a black man? Hide his food stamps in his work boots.

What’s the best part of being a man? You don’t have to sleep next to a hairy asshole for the rest of your life.

Mom, Dad, I’m a gatherer. -Caveman coming out to his parents.

I never ask anyone, “what kind of dog is that?” because they’ll tell you. God will they tell you.

Dear Netflix; when I got my first dvd by mail all those years ago I never dreamed that one day you would raise a child for me.

If I give my dog a toy that doesn’t make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life.

If Cookie Monster was going to eat a country, what country would he eat? Viet-nom-nom-nom-nom